I wish you knew…

As promised, please find below my short film of my poem “I wish you knew” created by the wonderful and insanely talented Carlos Hernandez. The beauty of this film is entirely due to his magic.

Just to give you some background on the creation of the film. This film was originally created to be a part of a virtual concert entitled “A night with CTC” which streamed on the 5 December 2020 – what would have been Karl’s 35th birthday. We raised £1275 of which 50% went to the charity Applause for Thought (an incredible charity which provides low cost mental health support, talks and workshops to those working in the entertainment industry) and 50% to enable CTC company to put on 8-10 FREE Mental Health Inspired Workshops around the UK to provide young people with education and awareness of the importance of Mental Health. I think we can all agree that this is even more crucial in the context of the current pandemic and the consequences flowing from a succession of lockdowns and restrictions.

I consider myself extremely privileged to have been able to perform with such an incredible selection of performers. My involvement with CTC company started after I watched Identity – a magnificent piece of dance theatre choreographed by the incredible Christopher Tendai. We chatted after the show (he also happens to be my cousin’s best friend!) and I was so impressed both with the work that he was doing in producing theatre which touched on the theme of mental health in a innovative and creative way but also by him. Chris is one of the most talented and committed performers I have ever met and I am incredibly inspired by his vision.

I decided immediately that I wanted to be part of the work Chris was doing because I feel that by the time I met Karl, it was already too late. He had already tried to commit suicide when he was 19 years old but maybe, just maybe, if you can reach children who might have suffered trauma or mental health problems you might be able to change the outcome, in a way that it can’t now be changed for Karl.

If you want to watch the show that genuinely changed my life, it is streaming live this Saturday (6th Feb) and you can get your tickets here www.ctcdancecompany.com/identity

I also have to thank my incredible friend Zen because this film would probably not have been possible without your support. Zen and I met at drama school. I decided to make one of my childhood dreams come true and went to drama school for two years between 2017 and 2019. I started drama school less than 6 months after Karl died. In some ways it saved me. It gave me a space to be Kira and it gave me a space away from thinking about Karl 24/7 every second of the day. It was hard. Drama school is hard. We were constantly being prepared for the brutality of “the industry” and our confidence was bashed and we were told off a million times. The demands of the second year of drama school were unending. In our second year, in the lead up to the final show we frequently had to rehearse 6-7 days a week. After leaving drama school I felt so traumatised that I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep acting but Zen refused to allow me to give up. She was always encouraging me, constantly giving me a kick up the ass to get my act together and just incredibly patient with me. When Chris asked me to be part of the show and record some of my writing she was the best cheerleader I could have wished for and really made me believe that I could do it and that this was an amazing opportunity to put my acting skills to use. I love you Babygirl and I appreciate your support so much.

Me and Zen (neither of us actually wear glasses… hahaha)

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